mathemagier | IC Contact Post

[Newton's distress is palpable, and Hermann barely remembers to lock the car in his haste to greet him. He holds him and breathes, attempting calm where Newton's emotions are turbulent and bleeding over. He doesn't quite manage to succeed, as thoughts of losing one another perturb their drift.

He's already nearly lost him once.. Hermann cups the side of Newton's neck, thumb brushing the underside of his jaw, and he swallows down the lump of emotion in his throat]

You're all right, I'm still here, Newton.

Yeah, but for how long? I thought for sure Qubit was pretty solidly here, I mean... your equations for Porter disappearance are super incomplete, but I really thought-- What if the frequency is increasing? Like the Kaiju? Fuck. What if it was targeted? What if he was onto something? What if he meddled with his duplicate Porter and it, I don't know... Pulled him out of here?

[He's working himself up when a thought hits him hard...derailing from his previous, more selfish concerns]

He's going home to dead teammates, Hermann.

[He really wishes he had the data to soothe Newton's concerns, but his data is too incomplete to say anything for a certainty. Could disappearances be 'generational'?

It's hard to shake that fear, and he has even less idea of what to say about Qubit's situation]

He may yet return, Newton. We don't know anything for certain yet.

I know, okay?! I know! I'd just. Damnit, Hermann, I'd like some real reassurance, scientifically based, something to say that we could actually know how much time we have! That people could actually accomplish something here, be happy-- I'd like my friendships to last more than a few months! Is it even worth it, when it could be over without warning? When everyone you know just is going to vanish?

Hiro's gone back to a dead brother, Joaquin went home to a dead best friend, and Qubit has dead teammates! I'd just like a fucking ounce of happiness here!

[Hermann starts back a step, taken aback by the suddenness of Newton's outburst]

I'm- I'm sorry, Newton. I wish I had the data to say as much. I'm working on it as quickly as possible.

[But he suspects that in the end, he'll only have estimates rather than exact figures. Nothing precise enough to be wholly reassuring]

We've been dating for nearly a year..

[Its not Hermann he's mad at, but Newt falls back on old, bad habits of lashing out and misunderstanding]

Yeah, and I hope you're not trying to blame dating me for slowing down your work on that equation--!

[Naturally, it only serves to set Hermann's teeth on edge]

Well excuse me if I thought that would be a bright part of your stay here.

A bright part of my--GOD! What, 'I am uncomfortable when it is not about me'??? Like I need more of a reminder about just how much I have to lose in all this? I try to be NOT an insensitive jerk for once and think about other people and you're over here going 'but don't I make you happ-' OF COURSE YOU MAKE ME HAPPY! God-fucking-damn.

[He paced anxiously in a short circle.]

Goddamn. You're the best thing and this was not what I intended this to be about! Dammit, Hermann!

[Hermann's jaw set]

I was only trying to remind you that you still have a measure of happiness here.

[He gestures vaguely, frustrated] I don't know what you want in regards to the others, Newton. There's nothing we can do about their situations back in their own worlds.

I want...

[Anger deflated, his voice sounds unsure, confused, helpless. Newt kicks at the ground]

I want this place to be about happy endings. Or...or not endings, but second chances. But this place likes to show people what CAN be...and then just take it away. Hiro had his brother, Joaquin had Manolo and Maria, Qubit had Super Squad. And then they lost it. Not that they're going to remember any of it, but maybe that's the saddest part.

[It's all hopelessly idealistic]

Everyone dies, Newton. This place is much the same. We get second chances, but we're just as unclear as to when that chance will come to an end. And so we make the most of it. Until we learn enough about this dimension to control space and time, that's all we can do.

I'm the biologist here--trust me, I KNOW people die. I just--

[want the impossible and am willing to chase it and try to make it possible]

I'm tired of being scared all the time, of having a clock loom over our heads. [He holds out a hand] Let's make the most of it. Marry me, Hermann. Right here, right now.

[Hermann stares at his hand. This isn't where he'd expected the conversation to go. Marrying early, with nothing planned?

He reaches out to take it]

If you feel strongly about it. We'll still need to find someone that is licensed to do so.

[He had fully intended to be optimistic, to suggest they give Qubit a month to reappear. Out of respect. And because Newt didn't want to believe he was really gone. And then, if Qubit was back, proceed as planned with March. And if he was not back by the fifteenth of December, he was probably not coming back.

But Hermann suggests they make the most of their time. And what better way than making sure they have their second chance? Even if March would be more poetic and symbolic, Newt is terrified of reaching February and losing that chance entirely, of having a wedding planned but missing his groom. (He also fears marrying Hermann will lead to his disappearance, and that maybe he's approaching this wrong: DONT marry Hermann and prolong the time together)

He takes Hermann's hand and steps in close.]

Do you feel strongly...either way? I don't want to rush you. But I don't want to lose my chance either. We could still do this again in March, for the party and so Qubit can be our Best Man. [If he comes back] I'll marry you as many times as you'll let me.

[It's so sudden that Hermann feels compelled to bargain for more time. But what does he really need time to think about? They've been engaged for five months, dating for very nearly a year, and known each other for much longer than that.

He wants to give Newton a fitting ceremony in the flashy showy way he deserves, with all the spotlight he could ever want. Wants his own first and only marriage to be significant and celebrated.

But holding Newton's gaze, none of that justified refusing to soothe the edge of fear there. It was all right if he married twice, so long as it was to the same person and not as a circumstance of divorce]

I'm ready to marry you, Newton.

[Newt is prepared to argue his case, so it takes him by surprise and renders him speechless when Hermann agrees without a fight. He pulls Hermann in for a kiss, and when he backs up just a fraction, arms draped over Hermann's shoulders and their foreheads pressed together, Newt's eyes shine with tears.]

...I'm sorry I ruin all your plans. Well, I'm not sorry, but I'm trying to be.

Thank you, though, for doing this for me. [His voice was soft, a whisper between them, and he gently scratched his fingernails through the soft undercut along Hermann's neck. ] I promise I'll make sure you have the best damn wedding in March.

[Hermann breathes an shaky sigh between them. This isn't what he'd expected of the day when they'd awoke this morning. They're getting married, just as quickly as they can manage it.

Of course there are a few practical considerations before their new plan becomes a reality- and one of them hits him with a touch of alarm.]

We haven't gotten our rings yet.

[They've been looking at different ones, tossing around ideas for a pair he might make, but haven't committed to a set quite yet]

We'll also need to make an appointment for all this, and require some form of a witness..

[Practical considerations are not something a very impulsive Newt is inclined to make, so he finds himself at a loss when Hermann starts talking about the logistics. If this were an experiment or a machine to make, Newt would have had his own mental list of requirements, but he hadn't even considered deadlines, necessary documents, or appointments. Eloping seemed so easy in the movies. Apparently, it was not.

He takes Hermann by the arm and steers him down a pathway into the park.]

How much planning will this take? A week?

[He wasn't getting cold feet, per se, but now...what. How long would this take? It killed some of his momentum to be told he had to wait, and if they had to wait anyway, should they wait and see if Qubit came back? Could he wait that long? How long should they give to wait? How long before the Porter decided Happily Ever After was too close and it nabbed Hermann? Why couldn't he just march into a county courthouse and marry this asshole? Maybe they should go to Vegas--it could be done overnight in Vegas, right?...But they didn't have Qubit to open a portal and...]

I thought this was going to be easier to do, Hermann. It always sounded easy. How hard is it to say "I pronounce you husbands. You're married. Now kiss." Really? How hard is it?

[Wrapped up in the logistics of planning an expedient wedding, it takes his cane a moment to catch up to the fact they're walking and nearly unbalances him. He stumbles into Newton a bit then rights himself with a shake of his head]

Well, I don't know for certain.. Not terribly long, I imagine. We just need to apply for our license and find someone to marry us. And ask someone to be our witness. ..Within a week sounds reasonable? We'll have to look it up when there's a moment..

Do we want to buy simple bands for now? Perhaps we should visit a physical store and look at our options.

[Newt steadies him instinctively.]

How can we even pick witnesses? I mean, it was basically going to be Qubit and someone, and now I don't know. You think he'll be back in a week? Because I'd really like it to be Qubit, but I really don't want to wait forever and just...hope he comes back before I misplace you, too.

[He rubs his thumb over Hermann's ring finger.]

But...a basic band is all we need. For rings, I mean. Something that says MARRIED without any sort of fanciness or complication. You know, complicated weddings never seem to result in lasting marriages. Maybe it's better we do it the unfancy way after all. Maybe get it engraved later.

Edited 2016-11-23 03:44 (UTC)

[Lacing their fingers together, Hermann attempts a reassuring squeeze]

I don't think selecting witnesses is terribly complex. And of course, I can't say when Qubit may return..

But first let's find a jewelry store then, and see about setting all that in motion. I can modify the rings later if we decide we'd like some sort of specific design.

[Newt nods and exhales softly, sadly, and gently bumps his arm into Hermann's as they walk.]

Sometimes I wish you could lie to me and I could accept that insult to my intelligence, you know? Just kiss me, tell me everything will be find, that Qubit will be back in a week and you won't disappear, that you KNOW that, and I just...believe. Like kids believe in Santa or believe that the dog didn't die, he just went on vacation. You know?

[His heart breaks a little, unable to promise Newton any of those things. Doesn't even have data enough to give the likelihood of either. Really, what has he been doing all this time? He should have started this sort of projects ages ago because he has nothing to show for it now.

Hermann stops them in their walk and turns, leaning in to press the softest kiss to Newton's lips]

I love you, Newton. That's all I can promise you in this moment. I'll do everything within my power to remain here with you.

[Newt closes his eyes and a tear runs down his cheek, catches on the rim of his glasses and...damnit, Hermann.

He buries his face against Hermann's chest and wraps him up in a hug, disguising his tears in the snuffling and a nod against the fabric. Is their ignorance bliss this time? Are they better off not knowing the writing on the wall? It had been so stressful to know WHEN the termination date for humanity could potentially be, but he at least KNEW. And he and Hermann had worked to prevent that from becoming the reality and COULD do it--for all the hell it was--because they knew their timeframe. They had known when it was getting desperate and Newt had known he had to make his hail-Mary pass. But now. They know nothing. Are they better off leaving well-enough alone? (Never!) But could they accidentally increase their timeline, put themselves earlier in the disappearance queue and ruin their happiness. Was there a pattern or was it all just random and could they ever know??

But he has Hermann. He has Hermann's love and friendship and affection and he has Hermann's brains to help him puzzle things out. As much as it has distracted him from the task at hand--discovering everything about this world without apology--this is pretty much everything Newt has ever wanted.

~~Well, and a baby Kaiju, but he kind of has that, even if HE IS the baby Kaiju. Oh, and to be a world-reknowned rockstar and scientist and on the cover of Rolling Stone but...~~.

I love you.]

Maybe you should file some complaints about me, huh? [A soggy hiccup muffled by Hermann's chest and the layers of clothing. He squeezes Hermann tight.] Surest way to never get transferred, Hermann. Make enemies in HR. You'll never be rid of me.

[He soothes a hand up and down Newton's back, doing his best to impart comfort. It's distressing, to think their time together could end at any moment. But that was part of why he'd set their date into the new year, to test time. Now it seems like it may be chasing them instead. Much as he'd rather not give into the pressure, they'd regret it if they let the opportunity pass them by on a dare.

Hermann swallows and attempts to keep his own tears at bay. They'll both be useless then. Maybe if they were at home, curled up on the couch or in bed, safe.. As it is, he has no idea how to cheer Newton up.]

Perhaps I'll mention it to a government official. After an hour of detailing every way in which you're a nuisance, I'm sure they'll be tired of me.

Edited 2016-11-23 05:46 (UTC)

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