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[mathemagier]

[Screened calls go straight to voicemail, where an impatient recording answers]

You've reached Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. Leave your name, number, and business if you expect a return call. Thank you.

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[mathemagier]

[All he really needs to do is focus on driving. Just down the road a bit, and there's a gas station. Hermann pulls into it and parks, though his hands don't leave the steering wheel. He leans back against the headrest.]

I'm not going to vomit, I just need to use the restroom.

[He unbuckles, retrieves his cane, then glances at the gas gauge as he opens the door to get out]

I'll return in a few minutes.

[driftsintobuffetline]

Okay.

[Newt's voice is rather small and he doesn't really speak until Hermann's all but left him alone in the car. The nerves are now also his own, a bundle of swelling and growing worry that tangles in his stomach and buzzes around his head. He's pushed. He courted Hermann, insisted and instigated for their entire existence together, but this--marry me now--may be too much. What if it is? What if this is the moment Hermann decides he can't with Newt's rushing into things?

What if he's finally scared Hermann away? What if he doesn't come back and he just leaves Newt here like a kid whose dad stepped out for a pack of cigarettes and just...never came back? What if he panics and decides they have to wait for March and then can't in March and won't and they just never do and--

Newt unbuckles and pushes the seatbelt out of the way. He feels strangled. The car feels too small. Too hot. Too stagnant. Both too bright and too dark. The gas fumes are getting to his head. He opens the door and climbs out, trying to not feel like he's going to barf or keel over there in the gas station. HE'S the one panicking now. And it's so dumb, he knows, and it's not Hermann's fault--it's his own--but it just keeps spiraling in his head.

No. No, they can't be this disastrous. They keep DOING this! Triggering each other's moods, Newt flying off into abandonment issues. He just needs... Just.

Newt closes the car door and follows Hermann's path to the bathroom. They need to talk.]

[mathemagier]

[It's awful, and it's all he can do to sit in the bathroom and be thankful he's not at risk for falling far. His own somewhat manageable nerves have evolved into a flurried, panicked monstrosity thanks to Newton's amplification and now yes, he is starting to feel legitimately queasy.

It's all right, he tries telling himself and the Drift. We've planned to marry for months now. It's only pushing those plans up a bit.

Except he hadn't been ready for Newton to propose marriage immediately. It had been enough to think they'd be married in a week, but Virginia's laws won't even give him that. Does it have to be now??

Feeling Newton's proximity, Hermann finishes up in the bathroom, spending only a minute more to allow his stomach to decide whether it wants to settle or not, then steps out. His face is still drained of a bit of color though]

Newton I wasn't- I wasn't going to leave you here.

[driftsintobuffetline]

Yeah, I know!

[False bravado takes over where he had been intending to insist on an actual discussion. Newt flounders a bit, looks away, wants to RUN away, and finally--squinting into the light, face pinched up a bit as he looks up at Hermann--he manages to settle his anxiety into the words he knows they need.]

I just thought... We should talk.

About this.

And stuff.

[mathemagier]

[Hermann nods, though the immediate twinge of uncertainty in the face of those words briefly wonders if this is where they'll fail as a couple.]

Well er, let's go back out to the car then.

[They can argue in a parking lot, but he'd prefer not to talk about what was a highly personal matter inside a small store.

Hermann gestures Newton back outside and tries to think of where to start]

..It's not that I don't want to marry you, it's just a bit sudden.

[driftsintobuffetline]

No, I know. I get it.

[He turns as they walk to talk to Hermann even as he's being herded outside. He rounds the front of the car and pulls open the door, climbing inside without buckling back up.

Newt thought he could have this conversation. He's not so sure now.]

Is it...

[It's NOT you. Don't ask. Don't make him say it. You know it's not and you don't need the buttpats, Newt. Stop. It's the speed. It's not even the marriage thing. Hermann was very happy last February when you discussed an interest in marrying him. You know this. You KNOW this.

Do you know this?]

It's too spontaneous, right? You need a plan, a formula to follow, and I threw a wrench in the works. Right? [His voice squeaks and his speech gets faster, more worked up.] Is there anything else, though? I mean, now's the time to have this discussion, right, not when we've got a judge waiting and the licence bought and all of that? ...Right?

[mathemagier]

[Hermann settles into the driver's side and doesn't bother to close the door. He could use the air about now, and fidgets with the grip of his cane]

Yes.. essentially. It's nothing to worry about really, I just prefer to have advance notice for things like this- to prepare for it. For instance, I'd be uncomfortable attending a party on sudden invitation, and likely refuse. A few days- a week would be ideal, but I can manage a few days if you'd really like.

[driftsintobuffetline]

[Newt nods, slowly, then with more determination. Nothing to worry about. He bites his lip and looks out the window. He fidgets with his power suppressor, debates turning it on, and then leaves it alone. He meets Hermann's eyes.]

...And what would you really like? [It's an honest question without accusation. He's trying.] This isn't just about what I'd like, and you know I'd accept a couple of days, but that sounds like a compromise in my favor, Hermann.

[mathemagier]

[He considers it, trying to feel unhurried enough to answer honestly. A week is decent notice, though still seems a bit short]

Somewhere between a week and two would be fine. But I understand you may not wish to wait that long.

[driftsintobuffetline]

[December 1st would give them two weeks--it just felt so very far away, but that would get them through Thanksgiving and their anniversary, and then give them time before the winter holidays to settle in. And in two weeks Qubit could be back. He hoped.

He removed his glasses to clean them, busying himself, distracting himself from the decision.]

...If there was no ceremony, no formal vows or Justice or license--just you and me and rings--would it still be too fast? What I'm trying to say is, is it the act of being married what I'm trying to spring on you too soon, or the state of being married?

[mathemagier]

[It's difficult to decipher the difference. What would they be if they exchanged rings without any legal binding? Does the act of getting married intimidate him?]

..The state of being married, yes. It's a significant life event, you know. I wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly. But if I had a week or two to emotionally prepare for it, I believe it would be fine.

[driftsintobuffetline]

[His smile tries valiantly to plaster itself on his face, but nothing disguises the Drift. He's disappointed. He figured that would be Hermann's answer, but he set himself up with the hope it wasn't.

The glasses have a smudge that Newt takes way too long cleaning.]

[mathemagier]

[It sits in his stomach like a leaden weight. Hermann wrings his hands together, despairing of his own hesitation]

I'm sorry, Newton.

[driftsintobuffetline]

[He shrugs halfheartedly and puts his glasses back on, still staring at his lap.]

No, Hermann, I'm sorry. ...We can wait for March. I promised you that much time and I had no right to rush you. I mean, we're no more and no less married now than we will be four months from now. ...I just have to be patient.

[mathemagier]

[Reaching over, Hermann puts a gentle hand on Newton's thigh, and attempts eye contact]

I understand your reasoning; I'm also concerned that we may not make it to March. I just need a week, Newton.

1/2

[driftsintobuffetline]

Stop doing that! Stop making concessions for me! [It's honest frustration, not anger that fuels his shrill reaction. Hermann gave and gave in this past year so many times to Newt's insisting. He feels like he's taking and not giving back enough.]

[driftsintobuffetline]

[Frustration melts into a sigh. He places his hand over Hermann's and looks sidelong at him.] I'm ...I'm trying, Hermann, [Seriousness dissolves. They've become so much softer around each other over this last year. A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.] and you're really messing that up.

[mathemagier]

[He doesn't say anything for a minute or so, working through whatever concessions he's been making lately. Despite the Drift, he still doesn't always follow Newton's moods perfectly- and today is proving particularly difficult]

..I just don't want you to think I'm no longer interested in pursuing this.

[driftsintobuffetline]

I...know. You might have to reassure me a few more times before it really sticks, because I'm a pain in the ass, but I know. [Mostly.

He feels drained.] Maybe we should have just parked somewhere to make out in the backseat instead.

[mathemagier]

[Leaning over, Hermann kisses his cheek and threads their fingers together]

Whatever you want to do, Newton.

[Any way he can possibly make up for putting that doubt in Newton's eyes]

[driftsintobuffetline]

...Are you deferring to me out of guilt?

[mathemagier]

[He draws back a bit, holding Newton's gaze and flounders for a response that isn't 'yes'.]

I'm not a mind reader, Newton. Do you still want to look at rings, or have you lost interest? And last I was aware, you didn't want to return home.

[driftsintobuffetline]

I know you're not a mind reader, Hermann, but you deferring to me--out of misplaced guilt or because it's my area of expertise, or whatever--is not something that happens...or at least isn't something that OFTEN happens. So look, excuse me if I want to be sure you're saying "Hey, what do you want to do?" for the right reasons and not because you're trying to make amends. Because this goes back to what I was saying, that you're making concessions for me--pushing your timelines up, stepping out of your comfort zone, giving me a showy wedding--and I don't need you to for ME. I WILL walk all over you if you keep letting me get my way--not because I want to, but because I just don't know how not to.

If you do these things, you need to do them for YOU. We need to be equal. You need to fight me. [Quieter] ...I need to fight you.

[mathemagier]

Newton, I know how to fight you.

[He withdraws his hand and pulls his door shut as the chill starts to get to him]

But if I don't have any strong preferences and something will make you happy, there's no reason to. I will insist on stipulations or conditions as necessary as a compromise, and really Newton, when is the last time you've forced me into anything?

[driftsintobuffetline]

[He fidgeted with his ring.]

You almost let me push you into marrying me today.